Monday, 16 July 2007

• Currently Listening All We Know Is Falling By Paramore see related

  EGO TRIPPIN'

  (Note:  This is the type of blog entry that loses at least three subscribers.)

  I received a Friendster testimonial from my little cousin Elizel in the Philippines.  I don’t know if I’ve actually met her in real life, but I think I have.  If I did it must have been twenty years ago, which was the last time I was in the Philippines.  I was ten years old back then, which means she must have been around…two years old.  We reconnected a few years ago through Friendster, which, for some obscure reason, has become the biggest fad in the Philippines since U.S. naval bases.

  Anyway, in her testimonial she said, “You give me blog envy.”  I was taken aback by this comment for a couple of reasons.  First, I was a little flattered because she is quite a furious blogger herself, and I find her blog much more entertaining and easier to read than my own.  (You will probably agree with me, too.)  And second, I was astonished to know that my blog was being read by citizens of another country.  I was dumbfounded by the fact that my irrelevant, sorry excuse for intelligent discourse was being enjoyed internationally.  I was shocked that I was now officially world-famous. 

  My fame hit me like a ton of bricks.  The other day I was at a Chick-Fil-A restaurant.  I approached the counter and said, “Hi!  I’d like to EAT MOR CHIKIN!”

  The girl behind the counter stared at me for a little bit and said, “Hey, wait a minute.  Are you Manila Jones, the author of ‘Thumbchips and Other Conjectures’?”

  “Why, yes I am!  How did you…  Are you a reader or something?”

  “Am I!  You have no idea!  You are so cool!  Hey, Torie!” she yelled at the kitchen.  Torie came out.  “Look who’s at my register!”

  “Holy shitballs!” said Torie.  “You’re Joe Bananas, aren’t you?

  “Yes!” I said.  “Wow, this is all so very odd.  I had no idea that--”

  “Hold on a second!” a big, dark man from behind me exclaimed.  “I know that mug!  Aren’t you Rex Awesome, the Duke of Cerritos?  I have to ask you, man, how are you so witty all the time?”

  “Well, I don’t know.  I drink a lot of beer… maybe that’s why--”

  Before I knew it, there was a mob of people around me.  I was signing autographs and taking pictures with babies.  This lasted for about 30 minutes until Kate Beckinsale pulled up and took me away in her Land Rover.

  Now, I’m not one to stroke my own ego, but I suppose, in light of recent events, I must admit that my blog is pretty damn awesome.  I mean, let’s call a spade a spade, right?

  And if you love my blog then leave me a fucking comment right now, damn it!

  • 10:52 PM
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