Friday, 21 September 2007

• Currently Listening Drastic Fantastic By KT Tunstall see related

  DUMPING SYNDROME

  
  

  
  

  I’ve had a slightly less-than-stellar week.  I was told by several dentists that I will need a crown to fix a cracked tooth which has been giving me a toothache for the past month.  My left eye developed a retinal hole that needed to be treated with retinal cryopexy (a procedure which involves a cold probe that freezes the retina around the hole).  The fact that my body is seemingly falling apart at 30 years old has made me somewhat anxious and has given me explosive diarrhea.  And on top of it all, Holly, the girl I was kind of dating/seeing/whatevering for the past month or so, dumped me. 

  I suppose I’ve had better weeks.

  If all of this happened to me about a year ago, it probably would have been enough to push me to the limits of my existence.  I might have slashed my forearms, jumped off my balcony, or watched 48 straight hours of The Hills.  I still think that death might be a better alternative than a depressing life, but nowadays I’m simply not interested (or too lazy) in exploring that possibility.

  I’m confident that my tooth will be fixed and my retina will be fine, and I am becoming less and less worried about them as time goes by.  However, getting kicked to the curb by Holly is something that will probably stick with me for a little while.  She was the first girl since Sarah who I have had substantially significant interest in (a period of over two years).  Considering that I’ve only known her for a month or two (however, technically I’ve known her for over a year), I’m not terribly heartbroken.  But, I’m heartbroken, nonetheless.  This whole ordeal has made me realize a depressing truth about my life:  There are two types of women I am interested in:  (1) those who will break my heart and (2) those who will not break my heart, but the girls who will not break my heart don’t really exist (in any practical capacity, I suppose).  Obviously, Holly was part of the first group.  The reason she dumped me was fairly simple:  I simply wasn’t the person she was looking for.  While she made sure to inform me while she was dumping me that I was the greatest guy she ever met, she explained to me that there was one particular obstacle between us that could not be overcome.  This wasn’t the first time I heard this story.  In the past it was because I wasn’t Korean, and this time it was because I wasn’t of her spiritual faith.  While she was dumping me I felt exactly how she wanted me to feel.  I felt like the world’s greatest guy (yay!! ) getting dumped (aww ).  I’m fairly certain that she was being sincere about this.  It seems like it’s always the same story with me:  People won’t love me for who I am because they’d rather hate me for who I’m not.

  Oh well.

  On the other hand, that same night I picked up KT Tunstall’s new CD, Drastic Fantastic, and I immediately fell in love with her.  Unlike most of my emotions, I know exactly why I like her.  It’s because she likes to sing about that Universe stuff that I’m always rambling about.  I seem to find spirituality in music that I can’t find in people, and I can certainly appreciate singers who make the type of music that evokes that awareness.  I’ve never felt this way about a girl since Liz Phair.  Believe it or not, I think that I’m genuinely in love with these girls, even though I have never met them.  And that’s precisely why girls like Michelle Branch, Liz Phair, and KT Tunstall (and Kate Beckinsale, I guess...and Janeane Garofalo) will never break my heart.  I’m 100% certain that their mystique would fall apart if we ever met.  It’s kind of funny because I’m kind of serious about it.  It’s kind of sad, too, because I’m kind of serious about it.

  As I’m typing this I’m staring out my window and watching the rain clouds roll in over the San Fernando Valley.  The first storm of the season is upon us and it’s just in time for the autumnal equinox.  Hold on.  The world will turn whether you’re ready or not.

  (Note:  Dumping Syndrome is a real medical condition.  It is exactly what you think it is.)
  

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