Friday, 04 January 2008

• Currently Watching Music and Lyrics (Widescreen Edition) By Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore, Brad Garrett, Kristen Johnston, Campbell Scott see related

  Win On A Ride Her Dream

  I’m a big time dreamer, and I don’t mean that in an aspiring or ambitious sense.  I’m literally a big-time dreamer.  Most of my dreams are fairly vivid and realistic, and it’s one of the primary reasons I look forward to sleeping.  The other reason I look forward to sleeping would be that it’s a respite from being alive.  I suppose that’s why I jot down my dreams when I wake up in the morning.  My dreams are much more exciting than my real life. 

  The other night I had a dream that I was dating Winona Ryder.  And the only thing more baffling than the dream was the way the dream ended.  This was the third time I dreamt about a celebrity, and all three of those celebrity dreams involved dating them.  My first celebrity dream involved Julia Stiles, and this was very bizarre because I wouldn’t consider myself a fan of hers by any definition of the word.  The only movie I’ve ever seen her in was Ten Things I Hate About You.  Other than that I’ve never really invested much thought into her.  My second celebrity dream made a little more sense because it involved Avril Lavigne, and God knows how much thought I’ve invested into her.  But dreaming about Winona Ryder was kind of random.  Like Julia Stiles, I wouldn’t consider myself to be a fan of hers, but as someone who watches American movies I would say that I’m casually familiar with her work.  I’ve seen Beetle Juice and Edward Scissorhands, and I went to college so that means I’ve seen Reality Bites.   She’s definitely an attractive and talented actress, and I suppose I could consider her to be “dream-worthy”.  But it’s not like she’s Kate Beckinsale, who the Universe has yet to bless me with a dream about her.  But whatever.

  Anyway, the dream started out with Winona and I making out in her apartment in what seemed to be Santa Monica.  She had the same outfit and hairstyle that she had when she guest-starred in an episode of Friends (the one where she played Rachel’s college buddy who came back because she was in love with her).  She was lying on top of me and we were making out and I was having the time of my life.   And then, sort of abruptly, she got off of me and put on her coat.  She was clearly upset, and I asked what was wrong.  And then she went on a tirade that went something like this (please keep in mind that this was a dream, so I’m paraphrasing as best as I can):

  “You know what, ‘Shane,’” she said as she made air-quotes with her fingers, “I’ve tried so hard to make you happy and you’re just not feeling it.  You don’t understand me!  I need to be loved.  Who the hell do you think you are?  Quite frankly, I’m sick of dealing with you.  And I’m bored.  So, I’m going to go to the supermarket right now, and when I get back I expect you to be gone.  I want you to leave my apartment and go back to the shitty Valley and think about your wretched life.  I want you to realize what a giant loser you are.  Every decision you ever made in your life was the wrong one.  You’re a complete failure.  Everyone despises you.  Okay, people might not despise you, but they certainly don’t like you.  And your haircut sucks.”

  And then she left.  I was stunned.  My heart was reeling.  I wasn’t sure whether to cry or vomit.  I walked over to the window and watched Winona cross the street and walk to her car (which was a silver Honda Civic coupe).  My emotions were everywhere and nowhere.  I tried one last time to call for her.  As she drove away I cried out to her as loud as I could and inexplicably yelled, “What’s wrong with the Valley?”

  My dreams have no redeeming qualities. 
  

  • 1:06 PM
  • 345 Views
  • 20 eProps
  • 10 Comments