Thursday, 29 January 2009

• Currently Drastic Fantastic By KT Tunstall see related

  Super Presidents' Day (The Reconstruction of February)

  There are several reasons why February is the worst month of the year.  Firstly, it’s one of the coldest months, which automatically makes it dreary and depressing (or seemingly so).  But, unlike the other cold months like December and January, February doesn’t have any happy holidays that put people in good spirits.  The only “holidays” of any “significance” are Presidents’ Day, which no one (except United States Presidents, or possibly the Presidents of the United States of America, I suppose) cares for, and something called “Valentine’s Day,” which (theoretically) only people “in love” care for.  While both of these holidays are wholly superfluous, “Valentine’s Day” is the one that is more unnecessary, but only by a little bit.  At the very least, Presidents’ Day is a federal holiday that gives us the day off from work.  We can stay at home and destroy our brains by watching MTV all day and not feel guilty about it.  On the other hand, “Valentine’s Day” isn’t a real holiday. In addition to going to work as usual, people are expected to go out of their ways to celebrate (or justify) their relationships.  I can certainly understand being in love, but I can’t understand being obligated by society to express it.  This seems to be more work than is necessary, especially for a non-holiday.  In the end, “Valentine’s Day” just pisses everyone off and ruins February.

  In recent years the National Football League moved the Super Bowl from the last week of January to the first week of February, which effectively gave February at least one redeeming quality.  Super Bowl Sunday is a day when many people arbitrarily drink copious amounts of alcohol and gorge themselves with unhealthy food.   Sometimes people will also watch a football game on television, but not all the time.  This is a joyous occasion for everyone, but the downside to this is that it occurs on a Sunday, and this presents a national dilemma.  Going back to work immediately after a day of gluttony and decadence is generally difficult and dreadful, and this forces many people to ditch work.  I suppose one solution to this would be to move the Super Bowl to Saturday, but that would be utterly blasphemous.  The best solution to this quandary is to move Presidents’ Day to the day after the Super Bowl.  This way no one would have to skip work because they were bloated or hung over.  Furthermore, it would add some meaning to an otherwise meaningless holiday.  In the end, it would be good for the economy and boost national morale.  Presidents’ Day occurs on a random Monday in February, anyway, so there is absolutely no reason NOT to move it to after Super Bowl Sunday.

  And then we should move “Valentine’s Day” to February 30.

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