Monday, 09 February 2009

• Currently Sons of Soul By Tony! Toni! Tone! see related

  Eff Ewe En Why See

  Last week Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bean Bryant was in the news, and it had nothing to do with the number of teenage women he’s allegedly raped.  In a game played at Madison Square Garden, Kobe racked up 61 points to thousands of cheering fans as the Lakers slapped up the New York Knicks.  While Kobe’s performance was nothing short of amazing, it was not an NBA record for the most points scored in a game (that would be 100 points scored by Wilt Chamberlain in 1962).  And while Kobe’s performance was utterly electrifying, it still wasn’t the best game of his career in terms of points scored (that would be his 81-point performance against the Toronto Raptors in 2006).  Nevertheless, it’s not often that a player scores 61 points in a single game (or 40 points, for that matter) and this was completely deserving of being the top story on SportsCenter that night.  Sixty-one points is definitely newsworthy.  However, what wasn’t newsworthy was the fact that Kobe Bryant set the record for the most points scored at Madison Square Garden, a fact that sports broadcasters and news journalists reiterated over and over.

  For some reason, Madison Square Garden in New York is considered the Mecca of professional basketball.  Everyone who plays basketball dreams about playing in the confines of this building.  I’m certain that Kobe Bryant knew what building he was playing in when he put on his 61-point show, and two nights later I’m certain that Cleveland’s LeBron James was conscious of what venue he was playing in when he tagged the Knicks for 52 points.  I don’t know why so many people buy into the notion that Madison Square Garden is some kind of basketball cathedral.  It’s simply not true.  The NBA tenant of Madison Square Garden is the New York Knickerbockers and they’ve been playing there since 1946.  However, the Knicks have sucked for the majority of their existence.  Since 1946, they’ve won exactly two NBA championships and haven’t won the NBA title since 1973.  Knicks basketball can hardly be considered decorated or storied and their history doesn’t justify why Madison Square Garden is put on such a high pedestal.  Staples Center in Los Angeles, the AT&T Center in San Antonio, and the American Airlines Arena in Miami are all less than ten years old and have a more decorated history than that shithole on 7^th Avenue and 32^nd Street in Manhattan.  There is nothing special about Madison Square Garden, even if there is a damn train station underneath its hardwood floor.

  So why is everyone so infatuated with this place?  It’s because the media is in love with New York.  And since the nation’s largest media market is New York, the rest of the nation has to witness New York’s love affair with itself.  When Kobe Bryant put up 81 points against the Raptors in 2006, no one made a big deal that this happened in Los Angeles, but when Kobe laid 61points on the Knicks the media wouldn’t shut up about the fact that this happened in Madison Square Garden in New York.   Surely, Kobe’s game was phenomenal, but the media magnified it simply because it happened at the media-proclaimed “World’s Greatest Arena.”  Through the media, New Yorkers have duped everyone into thinking that MSG is some sort of basketball shrine just because it sits in the middle of the country’s largest metropolitan area.  The truth is that MSG is a monument to basketball futility but New Yorkers are too stupid and so in love with themselves to realize it.

  The universe doesn’t revolve around New York despite what New Yorkers think.   New Jersey doesn’t even care for them (and its the armpit of America), so why should the rest of the country?  If you’re from New York, don’t go into other towns and tell everyone you’re from New York or how much New Yorkers do things differently (like drink coffee from Duncan fucking Donuts).  We’re not impressed, no matter how much you think we are or how much you want us to be. 
  

  If you’re from New York, don’t boast that it’s a progressive city because of its diversity.  Just because there’s a lot of Puerto Ricans in Spanish Harlem and a lot of Italians in Brooklyn doesn’t mean it’s a multi-cultural city.  It just means that there are a lot of Puerto Ricans in Spanish Harlem and a lot of Italians in Brooklyn.  The most culturally diverse cities in the country are San Francisco and Seattle, regardless of how many Asian Americans you think there are in Flushing. 
  

  If you’re from New York, don’t brag that you live in an apartment-home and get to walk and take the subway to work.  That just means that you consciously acknowledge that you live in an over-crowded city and pay too much for rent, and that just makes you sound stupid and/or insane. 
  

  And, if you’re from New York, don’t come into my town and complain that you can’t find a decent pizza.  Here’s a secret:  It’s not that hard to make a flat, greasy pizza.  The reason why we don’t make pizzas like that in my town is because WE DON’T WANT TO.

  There’s nothing wrong with New York.  New Yorkers just need to shut the fuck up about it.

  • 12:00 AM
  • 144 Views
  • 14 eProps
  • 8 Comments