Friday, 30 October 2009

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  Best Halloween Costumes Ever

  The five best Halloween costumes of all-time:

  5. Bed sheet ghost: Made popular in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!, this is perhaps the most classic Halloween costume. This kid is usually a short, 4-year-old uncreative white boy walking around with his parents and carrying a plastic pumpkin Halloween basket. While this costume is not scary, white people putting sheets over their heads is generally disturbing.  This kid won't be scary until 20 years when he dons the white sheet again as a member of the Ku Klux Klan.  If you see this kid, give him a rock.
     

  4. Toilet-paper mummy: This asshole is usually a drunk student from the local college.  I was once this asshole, which validates the legitimacy of this costume.  If this guy stumbles onto your porch on Halloween, give him a drink.

  3. Black kid basketball player: This isn't really a costume; it's just the 5’10”, 10-year-old black kid from around the corner wearing a Lakers Kobe Bryant jersey with the matching basketball shorts. He is typically unaware that it is Halloween, but decides to partake in the trick-or-treat mayhem that he sees when he’s walking home from the park. The outfit is incomplete if he’s not carrying the required Indoor/Outdoor Spalding basketball.

  2. Ski masked hoodlum: This qualifies as the “Laziest Costume Ever”. This kid is usually the 14-year-old high school freshman who’s still trying to hang on to his youth and just wants to snatch up some candy. So he dons his ski mask and walks around the neighborhood thinking his "costume" warrants free candy.  He tricks-or-treats efficiently like a seasoned veteran, and knows which houses have the full-sized candy bars and which houses have the wax-wrapped mystery candies.

  1. Brown paper bag mask: Halloween wouldn’t be Halloween without the kid with the brown paper bag over his head. This is typically the "cool" guy from second grade whose female classmates giggle about. He’s so cool he doesn’t have to wear a costume. He just cuts eye holes in his brown bag, puts it on his head, and he’s ready to roll. He just wants his fucking candy. And he doesn’t carry one of those fucking plastic pumpkins. He keeps his loot in a pillowcase. That’s gangsta.

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