manilajones's Xanga

The Complete History of Social Networking Websites

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:53:10 GMT

Socially, there are essentially two groups of people in America, with each group having its own distinct members and characteristics. For now, we’ll call these groups Group A and Group B.

In the beginning (2003), there was Friendster.com. Yuppies, educated people, Asians, and other socially conscious and internet-adept folks (all members of Group A) joined this website. This group immediately saw the potential with Friendster as a place to reunite with old friends and find people with similar interests. These people from Group A instantly found themselves reconnecting with people they hadn’t seen since elementary school and people from their old church they hoped to never see again. The internet being used for this purpose was never seen on such a large scale before (the site’s massive popularity occasionally destroyed its servers).

Meanwhile, children, porn stars, artists, and other derelicts (all members of Group B) wanted to get in on the social networking craze, but didn’t join Friendster. They joined MySpace.com, mostly because they were guaranteed of having at least one friend (MySpace founder Tom) upon signing up. MySpace was kind of like Friendster, except without any rules. People were allowed to customize their page with layouts, music, and endless amounts of naked pictures. For these reasons, MySpace was inundated with people from Group B in the summer of 2004, dwarfing Friendster’s membership. Not to be left out, Group A members of Friendster joined MySpace as well, but were outnumbered by the deluge of people from Group B. Because of the Group B invasion, MySpace became a cesspool of overexposed pictures, broken English, music, and venereal diseases.

MySpace dominated for years, but lurking in the background was a group of young Group A people (college students) on an upstart social networking site called Facebook.com. People from Friendster, Group A people on MySpace, and Group A people who were new to the social networking phenomenon flocked to Facebook, which was seen as a place that restored order and respectability to social networking. Facebook took a while to catch on, but eventually 99% of all Group A people in the United States joined the site by 2009.

Meanwhile, Group B MySpacers, confused by Facebook’s applications and turned off by its privacy controls, refused to join Facebook. They stayed with MySpace but still wanted their imbecilic thoughts to seem relevant, so they joined Twitter.com. Twitter also attracted Group B vagrants (mostly celebrities who didn’t finish high school) who couldn’t comprehend MySpace, and Twitter continues the grand tradition of mindless internet that began with MySpace. By 2009, 99% of Group B people nationwide were on Twitter.

And THAT is the complete history of social networking sites.

Theoretical Morality

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 21:07:14 GMT

In regards to existential philosophy, there are two types of people in the world. There are those who believe in Divine Creationism and there are those who Don’t. With the exception of possibly Brandon Flowers, everyone fits into one of these two categories. Both of these schools of thought are based on theories that have yet to be proven. Those who Don’t generally subscribe to the theory of evolution, which is a theory based on the strong biological model of natural selection. Religious people believe in Creationism, a theory which is based on a simple, yet hard-line, mathematical equation: 1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4given. Both of these theories seem valid (one more than the other, though), but no one in the history of the world has yet to prove that one is the absolute truth.

The truth is that no one knows why we exist, but the larger truth is that our morality has nothing to do with the basis of our existence. If pious people were to somehow prove that God exists, we still would not be able to prove what her morality would be. Religions only assume to know what the morality of their deity is. Have you ever had someone assume something about you without really knowing who you are? Perhaps they assumed something obnoxious like you were a thug because you have numerous tattoos, or that you liked Nickelback because you were Canadian. I suspect that things like these may have happened to you, and I also suspect that you felt that these occurrences were rude. If God exists, who are we to know what she wants or what her intentions are? She might be Slipknot’s number one fan or think Relient K is full of shit. It’s disrespectful and arrogant to assume that we know what she likes or what her morality is. By that same token, if scientists were to somehow prove that evolution was as infallible a truth as Kevin James being unfunny, that wouldn’t automatically default the human species to be an amoral race. No one has ever been able to prove our existence, but nevertheless, societies have been governed by morality ever since the beginning of civilization.

The only thing that is proven is that morality has always been defined by modern society and the contexts of being alive. This is why we consider homicide for personal reasons to be despicable and warfare for national security to be patriotic. This is why slavery was a moral economic institution in the seventeenth century and this is why dorks like Oprah Winfrey are considered heroes in 2009. Smart people and philosophy majors like to ask irrelevant questions like: Are we products of evolution or Creation? Is Jesus Christ the Son of God or was he just another black civil rights leader who died from capital punishment? Are we Human or are we Dancer? These are all questions that are unimportant to everyday living. They have no bearing on what morality is.

But I can’t prove that.

Coffee Shop Philosophies

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:40:41 GMT

Do you remember when Prince changed his name to that gender-neutral symbol that no one could pronounce so we just called him The Artist Formerly Known as Prince? And, do you remember that after the name change his music was basically the same and people still bought his records?

Do you remember when Garth Brooks changed his name to Chris Gaines? And, do you remember that after the name change his music was generally the same but NO ONE bought his records?

I don't know what's going to happen here, but this place is no longer called Thumbchips and Other Conjectures. It's now called Coffee Shop Philosophies.

Sun God Songs

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:29:13 GMT

I haven’t posted much lately. This has less to do with me not having anything to say and more to do with me being bored by the blogosphere’s population of 17-year-old Christian fundamentalists telling me that I’m an idiot in my comments section. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I don’t enjoy reading their comments. In fact, they’re probably right about me being a dick! But, in the end, it’s hard to take comments seriously when they’re made by identity-starved Jesus freaks who worship emo vampires and Lady Gaga.

But anyway, as the spirit of the fourth week of November would dictate, I suppose I am thankful that there are cyber people who invest some of their thoughts into things that I think about. Moreover, I am thankful that I have a real family that hasn’t excommunicated me and real friends that tolerate my random lapses of insanity. As a gesture of gratitude, I host an annual Christmas party (unofficially called “Shane Varnet’s Christmas Extravaganza”) for these non-Christians every second Saturday of December. I shamelessly use guilt-trip tactics to make them feel obligated to attend because sometimes friendship is best when it’s forced. While some may feel like they would rather watch a Dane Cook show with a gun to their head than go to this party, everyone leaves the party feeling full, drunk, and, thus, happy. Everyone also leaves with a present, such as a DVD player or a home pregnancy test, because that is how much I love them.

The part I look forward to the most regarding this annual Christmas party is not seeing friends I haven’t seen in over a year. The best part for me is that I get to create the Extravaganza’s background music playlist. This gives me the excuse to delve into my collection of Christmas songs, a genre of music that is highly underrated. No matter what you want to believe, Christmas has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus Christ. It lost all religious significance when it was declared a federal holiday. Nowadays, Christmas has everything to do with feeling warm and fuzzy and cuddly, and Christmas music has a lot to do with that. (I’m sure that there are people who will disagree with this sentiment, but these are the same people who also deny that December 25 is the feast day of the pagan god of the Sun. Reality is reality, but it’s also what we want it to be. Christmas is about giving gifts, drinking eggnog, and roasting chestnuts on an open fire. Linus was wrong, but Mel Torme knew what he was talking about. )

There is no better way to get everyone into the Christmas spirit (or drive them insane) than by making them listen to hours of Christmas music. Theoretically, I can play The Jackson 5 Christmas Album all night long because it will put everyone in a jolly mood. After all, it is the greatest Christmas album of all time. However, playing one album for four consecutive hours would be boring. The key to creating a good playlist is to make it as diverse as the people who are listening to it. Here are some notes on some of the things I’ve observed about the songs in my Christmas collection:

Every slut in the music industry has covered Santa Baby (Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Kellie Pickler, etc.).
I don’t speak any foreign languages, but I understand Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano more than I do Christmas in Killarney by Irish Rovers.
In Mistletoe, Colbie Caillat sings that “It’s not Christmas if the snow don’t fall.” Being that she was born and raised in Malibu, California, this makes her full of shit.
Christmas in Hollis by Run-DMC is possibly the worst Christmas song ever. It does nothing to put me in the Christmas spirit. It just makes me want to buy Adidas.
Britney Spears’ My Only Wish is in her top five songs of all-time (behind Toxic, Womanizer, I’m a Slave 4 U, and 3).
Hanson’s Little Saint Nick is only slightly more heterosexual than the Beach Boys’ version.
Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You is undeniably the most perfect Christmas single ever.
My Chemical Romance’s rendition of All I Want for Christmas is You is probably the best covered Christmas song ever. Interestingly, Welcome to the Black Parade sounds like a Christmas song to me, even though it is not. This probably has more to do with the fact that this song was very popular around Christmastime in 2006 and less to do with the fact that Gerard Way looks like an elf.

A Conservative Perspective

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:19:55 GMT

Current events from a Conservative’s perspective:

We live in turbulent times.

We are fighting two wars overseas with no clear exit strategy. We’re also involved in a conflict between Israel and Palestine and Iran that has no resolution that I perceive can satisfy all parties involved.

Our economy has tanked and unemployment is reaching all-time highs. We have given billions of taxpayer dollars to Wall Street in efforts to overcome the recession. And while the economy is improving, all signs indicate that we will experience a “jobless recovery,” which doesn’t really help anyone (unless you’re a banking executive).

The current President and Congress are the most liberal that this country has ever seen. Their healthcare bill calls for a government takeover of the healthcare system. While this plan will provide healthcare to over 95% of all Americans, it will also mean an increase in government spending and limit the choices of citizens, both of which are antithetical to the principles and ideals that America was founded on.

The polar ice caps are (allegedly) melting. The environment is being destroyed, and breathing the air in downtown Los Angeles is just as healthy as smoking a Marlboro Ultra Light cigarette.

Moreover, our children are crazy. They are strung out on Adderall and worship vampires. In the midst of all of this, music by Miley Cyrus doesn’t seem all that bad, despite the atrocity that it actually is.

Nevertheless, I still have hope and a lot to be thankful for. Because even though I have no health insurance and no job, I’m content to know that Adam and Steve can’t get married in California or Maine.

Age Vs. Marriage Vs. Love Vs. Gays

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:25:22 GMT

What the hell is going on with Brett Favre? I’m not referring to the fact that he is having a phenomenal football season in which he has led the Minnesota Vikings to a 7-1 start, despite supposedly being in the “twilight” of his career. Nor am I referring to the fact that he has shattered every significant NFL quarterback record and cemented his place as one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game. I’m referring to the fact that he has managed to look like a 55-year old geezer at 40 years old. It seems like it was just a few years ago that he looked like a regular 30-something-year old man, but I must have missed the day that he showed up to training camp with a wrinkled face and a full head of gray hair. This thoroughly befuddles me, though I now suspect that playing in 1,000 (this is approximate) consecutive football games speeds up the aging process.

However, Brett's hypersonic aging ability is nothing compared to what MCA from the Beastie Boys has accomplished. When the Beasties released Licensed to Ill in 1986, he was 22 years old, but he managed to look like he was 30 and sound like he was 35. When they released their last studio album, To the 5 Boroughs, in 2004, he was 40 years old, but he looked like he was 67 and he sounded like he was 71. Today, ol' "Nathaniel Hornblower" is 43 and he certainly is not getting any younger. I fear he may be the only 43-year-old person in modern history to die of old age. Why are these guys aging so fast? I don't understand white people.

I’ve been told that Asian people don’t age as fast as the white ones. I don’t know if there is any truth to that. It might just be a social misconception or Asian propaganda. It might even be an optical illusion. How the hell should I know? But, I suppose it seems to be true. Personally (as a 30-year-old Asian American), I don’t see myself to be “30 years old” in any capacity. I have the political outlook of a college hippie (also known as “liberal”). I talk like a fucking teenage asshole. I have the musical taste of a 14-year old (I consciously hang Avril Lavigne posters throughout my home) and the sense of humor of an 8-year old (I enjoy primetime programming on the CW). I eat like a toddler (my dinner last night was hot dogs with a glass of whole milk). Furthermore, I don’t even look 30 years old (I've been told I don't look a day over 20).

Of course, all of this is relative to what a 30-year old person is supposed to look like and how that person is supposed to behave, and a lot of people expect that 30-year old behavior includes getting married. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel outside pressure about marriage. I’ve been to more weddings in the past two years than I’ve ever been in my life. My parents occasionally ask when I’m going to get married and produce children. One by one my single friends are deciding that it’s time to walk down the aisle, and when I get together with the few single friends I have left, it seems that we spend a good amount of time pondering when we’re going to fall from the ranks of the singles. Most of the time these conversations are nothing more than playful banter, but lately I can’t help but feel that they’ve taken somewhat of a serious turn.

I can certainly understand the desire to be in a relationship. It’s fun and exciting, and there’s an unrivaled sense of security and worth that comes along with companionship. As someone who has been in love, I certainly know that being in love is the most fantastic feeling anyone can ever experience. I sincerely hope that everyone falls in love at least once in their life. However, what troubles me is that people tend to equate “falling in love” with “getting married”, and being 30 years old, it seems that “getting married” is becoming more and more of an issue. This makes no sense to me because the older I get, the less I understand the necessity to get legally married. All the joys of a relationship can still be enjoyed without getting married. You can fall in love without getting married. You can commit yourself to someone without getting married. You can live with your boyfriend or girlfriend without getting married. You can raise children with your partner without getting married. You can have a great life for all eternity with someone you love without getting married. While I can understand the desire to get married for religious or cultural reasons, I cannot understand any benefit for getting legally married. A marriage recognized by the state is nothing more than a contract that says that you are obligated to share half of everything you own with someone. It doesn’t make financial sense to me to get married, because if I get married and it ends in divorce, she will likely clean out my bank accounts and cash in on her divorce insurance (engagement ring).

The more I think about it, the more I convince myself that the only reason people get married is because they are insecure about their relationships and would feel more secure if it was insured with a legally binding contract. Is this what love is about? I’m beginning to suspect that marriage is detrimental to true love. The gay and Lesbian community should consider itself lucky that some states won't allow them to marry. While I would support any proposal that would legalize their marriages in the same spirit that I support euthanasia, I still think that the gay and Lesbian community should stop pursuing this legislation because all marriages should be illegal.

The gays don't know how good they have it already.

Expiration Dating

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 20:24:27 GMT

I stop by Starbucks every morning on my way to work. Two weeks ago when I was buying my coffee looked in my wallet and realized that I was all out of cash. I dug around my wallet to look for one of my credit cards, and when I pulled it out an expired condom fell out and onto the counter. Amused, the barista said, “Awesome,” and I said, “Yes, that was a pretty awesome thing to happen.” I paid for my coffee, put the expired condom back in my wallet, grabbed my coffee, and drove to work. The rest of the day was unremarkable. Although the expired condom event was pretty awesome, it really wasn’t anything remarkable. I remember this day because I woke up with a great feeling, but I didn't know why. All I knew was that I saw the world in a new light.

Sometime in the past two weeks, I came to the realization that there is probably not a woman on the face of this Earth who can ever truly fall in love with me. Now, I don’t think that I’m a difficult person to appreciate. After all, I am a “nice guy”, and 100% of the people who know me can attest to that statement. I’m friendly, kind, generous, and pleasant; I’m not rude, harsh, abrasive, or mean-spirited. Honestly,it’s pretty damn easy to not be an asshole. However, I am kind of a reflective person and critical thinker, but these are qualities that don't stand out right away.

The problem is that to appreciate these qualities about me, it takes patience, thoughtfulness, heart, and effort, and those are things that women, for the most part, don’t have. As a 30-year old single man, I’ve been expected to date women who are around my age. But, I’ve realized that something happens to women at around 28 years old that just causes them to go completely berserk. Generally speaking from my experience, women over 28 are not looking for boyfriends anymore. They’re no longer looking for people to have fun with or new people to talk to. Women over 28 are no longer looking for nice or intelligent guys. They’re no longer looking for someone who can hold a decent conversation. They’re no longer looking for someone who can take them to Mammoth every winter or someone who can show them the nightlife on the Westside. Rather, women over 28 are looking for husbands and fathers for their future children. They feel that they need to get married and have children STAT, and this kind of mentality makes women over 28 kind of insane. No matter what they say, women over 28 are looking for sperm and someone who will stand next to them in the picture for the annual Christmas card.

Now, I don’t know what happens to women when they turn 28 that makes them go bonkers, but they’re all looking to get hitched and knocked up ASAP, and many of them end up “falling in love” with the first sucker they meet after they turn 28. Why do you think so many people get married by the time they’re 30? Is it because of love? Sadly, their strong desire to get married makes them oblivious to the things that are important to having a real, loving relationship (such as love, respect, honor, and a “normal guy”). I really don’t need any of that, and that’s why I will never date a woman older than 28 years old anymore. I want someone to appreciate me for who I am, and that takes time. I don’t want someone to “fall in love” with me just because I am 30 and have sperm.

I suppose it isn’t fair that women have a biological time clock, and that they can only bear children up to a certain age. (I mean, I can have children when I’m 80 years old, and that hardly seems fair. The more I think about it, it seems kind of ideal to have children later in life when I’m retired. I mean, I’m too busy with work and having a social life nowadays, so why not have kids when I’m rich and retired and have nothing else to do?) Also, I suppose we still live in an old-fashioned society where an older, single woman with no children is considered an “old maid”. That’s really not fair, too. It is true that society unjustifiably puts more pressure on women than men to get married and have children. A lot of things have contributed to women’s social status, and I’ll admit that men have a lot to do with it. Men, Christianity, tradition, government, religion, and women’s indifference have all oppressed women throughout history. But at the end of the day, IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.

Sure, it’s “my problem” in a way because I have a sense of stewardship to my society, but what the hell am I supposed to do? I’m not misogynistic. I don’t hate women. I’m nice to them. I have good manners around them. I support a woman’s right to choose. I support women’s suffrage. I’ve even gone on record and said that female is the superior gender and that God is a woman. But, as a man, what more can I do? I highly doubt that me dating cougars will make any significant impact in the pro-women movement. (If women really wanted to stop their oppression, then they should stop doing what is expected of them. They should stop being so desperate after hitting 28 and realize that getting married and having babies aren’t really all that important.)

From now on I’m only going to date women 26 and younger. Women 26 and under aren’t insane like older women. Their judgment is less likely to be clouded by the idea that they need to have babies or get married immediately. They’re more likely to be care-free and open-minded. They’re more likely to be willing to listen to what I have to say and learn new things. They’re more likely to laugh at all my jokes. And most importantly, they have all the time in the world to appreciate a person like me (and vice-versa). Women 26 and younger don’t know what the hell they want in a guy, which is great because with me, women don’t know what they’re going to get. I understand that not all women fall into these general categories, but because of the biological time clock, a woman older than 28 is more likely to be insane than a woman younger than 28. I have to go with the odds.

I have the rest of my life to fall in love. There’s no expiration date on my condom.

Three Truths About Racism

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:12:35 GMT

I started to write a post about racism, but the more I wrote the more it started to make me sound like a racist.

I scratched that post, but what I wanted to say with it was probably best captured by David Benioff. He penned one of the greatest racist diatribes in literature in his novel The 25th Hour, which was made into a movie by Spike Lee. The rant was so beautifully crafted that it essentially captured everything I know about racism: (1) Racism is wrong and (2) everyone has racist feelings sometimes, but (3) racism is negligible (and sometimes entertaining) as long as you hate everyone equally (including yourself).

The scene from the movie depicts the protagonist, Montgomery Brogan, drunk in a restaurant bathroom a few hours before he goes to jail. He's staring at some graffiti on the bathroom wall that says "Fuck you" and says:

"Yeah, fuck you, too.

"Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it.

"Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back.

"Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job!

"Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down!

"Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.

"Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English?

"Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from!

"Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!

"Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom!

"Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good.

"Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.

"Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart!

"Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on!

"Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!

"Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay!

"Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al-queda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass!

"Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.

"Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers.

"Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.

"No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it all and then you threw it away, you dumb fuck!"

The Commitment Issue

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:00:37 GMT

Last Thursday I was standing outside of Starbucks with the intent of smoking a cigarette when I realized that I had left my lighter at home. I walked over to a guy named Rodney (who coincidentally looks a lot like Rodney Bingenheimer) and kindly asked him if I could use his lighter. He said, “Jesus Fucking Christ,” and grudgingly handed me his miniature Bic™ flame thrower. After using it I thanked him and handed it back, but that didn't stop him from snarling at me as he walked away. Normally, rudeness like this would have irritated me, but this interaction didn’t bother me at all. I expected this type of behavior from Rodney because this simple episode has occurred at least once a week for the last eleven months. Like me, Rodney is considered a “regular” at Starbucks, but he’s not your typical loyal customer. Rodney is at Starbucks every hour that they’re open of every day. He and his wacky behavior are perceived to be part of the furniture: Taking an insult from him seriously would be like being offended by a messy couch. Everyone would agree that Rodney’s commitment to this store has definitely been beneficial to him. His committed loyalty to Starbucks has essentially granted him a pass to being a complete dick.

Commitment is generally perceived as a good thing, particularly because it fosters dedication and loyalty. These are certainly desirable attributes, particularly in terms of relationships. When a couple has been dating for a considerable amount of time, it’s often expected that at some point their relationship will become exclusive. Friends and family will start to chatter about when the couple will move in together, get married, and have children. However, many times the relationship doesn’t reach this point. One person balks at the notion of becoming exclusive and declines to commit. This person is then accused of having “commitment issues,” and this kind of bothers me, particularly because the accused person is usually the guy.

Men and women are both accused of having “commitment issues,” but, generally speaking, this term is more often (and unfairly) applied to men. In reality, men don’t suffer from this alleged syndrome because there is no such thing as “commitment issues.” Let’s consider the following scenario that everyone, male and female, has experienced at some point in their lives: A guy meets a girl and they get to know each other. The girl thinks that she made a new friend, but the guy secretly harbors feelings for her. After some time the guy starts to drop hints to her that he wants to be more than friends. He starts calling her more often, he starts taking her out, and he starts buying her things. The girl begins to suspect that something is afoot, but she doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t want to jeopardize their friendship. The guy presses on, eventually making her a mix-tape CD of R&B songs (particularly Usher) and asking her to be his girlfriend. While flattered (read: creeped out), she denies his request. The guy insists that there are no hard feelings and, as a friendly gesture, he takes her to watch a Dane Cook movie in the theaters. Afterwards, they go to their respective homes and they both cry (but for very different reasons).

The point is that men don’t have “commitment issues;" they're just perceived to have them. A woman (generally speaking) won’t commit to a guy unless she feels really comfortable about him (on average this takes about six dates). But when she does decide that she wants to be committed to him, she will usually expect him to feel the same way. When this doesn't happen, the guy is accused of being afraid of commitment. But, that's not really what's going on. If a man wants to be in a committed relationship, then he’ll say it. He won’t wait for the woman to express the same sentiment, and he won’t play any mind games regarding his feelings for the girl. A guy won’t beat around the bush.

The truth is that if a guy hasn’t expressed that he wants to be committed, then he doesn’t want to be committed and he’s probably not that interested. For example, I might not like Red Lobster, but that doesn’t mean that I have issues with seafood restaurants. It just means that I have issues with Red Lobster. If a guy doesn’t express interest in committing to a girl, that doesn’t mean that he has issues with commitment. It just means that he has issues committing to that girl. “Commitment issues” is a cop out. It’s not like people who want to be in relationships are ever accused of having “being-single issues.” The term “commitment issues” was probably coined by someone who was in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere but didn’t want to blame themselves.

Commitment is beneficial in any aspect of life because it’s a conscious decision. It’s good to commit yourself to something if you want to, but you shouldn’t fault someone for not committing to something that you want them to. Commitment might make you feel better about your relationship, it might give your life focus, and it might give you a pass to being a jerk, but it’s never, ever an “issue.”

The Atheists' Cafe: Perception Vs. Reality

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:00:00 GMT

Generally speaking, which is more important to you: Perception or reality?