January 14, 2011

• What the Hell?!

  
  At some point around the middle of the last decade I stopped listening to pop radio.  This wasn’t an indictment on radio stations or pop music.  There are a lot of modern music radio stations that I like, and there are plenty of pop songs that I enjoy listening to.  However, sometime in the past ten years the traditional “Top 40″ radio station became “Top 15″ radio.  They’ve contracted their playlists to only include the most popular ten to fifteen songs of the past twelve months, and being that today’s most popular music artists mostly make unlistenable music, listening to “Top 40″ radio for any extended amount of time has become a sonic assault on human intelligence.

  With that said, over the past week I consciously chose to listen to the local Top 40 radio station on my commute to and from work, which constitutes more than ninety minutes each day.  The reason I decided to do this was because one of my favorite singers has a new single and I wanted to hear her new song on the radio.  (Note:  I have heard this song plenty of times on the internet, but there is still some satisfaction in hearing one of your favorite singers on terrestrial radio.)  This song is What the Hell by Avril Lavigne.  (This may surprise some of you, but don’t attempt to judge me on my taste in music.  Avril Lavigne is better at what she does than you are at whatever it is you think you do for a living, so shut the hell up.)

  This was like making a deal with the devil.  In exchange for hearing What the Hell on the radio, I would have to listen to music I don’t normally like.  So far, the devil is getting the better end of the deal.  I have yet to hear What the Hell.  What I have heard is countless hours of unbearable music from people who are theoretically musicians.  This has been an ungratifying experience.  These are my top ten observations from listening to this radio station:

  1. I don’t know 70% of the artists on this station.  Many of the songs sound the same and sometimes I don’t even know when a a song ends and another begins.
  2. Usher deserves more credit than he is getting, which means that his music shouldn’t be playing on the station I’ve been listening to.
  3. The differences between LMFAO and BOB are negligible.
  4. The Black Eyed Peas make good music, even though will.i.am is just a dork with a synthesizer.
  5. I can hear Katy Perry’s breasts coming through my car speakers
  6. Drake doesn’t rap.  He just rhythmically talks like a tool. 
  7. Rihanna is awful.
  8. As far as this radio station is concerned, rock music is non-existent.
  9. There is such a thing as “real hiphop,” and Fareast Movement isn’t it.  They should do a “collabo” with Black Eyed Peas and call it “Collabo.”
  10. I’m convinced that Lady Gaga has a bigger penis than I do.

  • 3:34 pm
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